Speaking as a working mom I can truly say it stinks. That's the only way to put it. You can't do either job (mommy or work) to the degree or the expectation that you would like. So then what, you live life in survival mode and think "Someday I will be able to do this to the level that I want" and it never happens. There are always going to be family issues that keep you from making your job all that you want it to be and of course there are always job responsibilities that demand your time and take away from your family.
I find in increasingly difficult to handle both, but what am I to do? What especially kills me are the do-it-all working moms that somehow make you feel like crap. They seem to dedicate all of their time to work and yet make it all balance out in the end with the family. How are they doing that? I can only think of one way and that is that they don't sleep. Who are these people that can survive without sleep? I am certainly not one of them. Frankly, I live for sleeping. I fantasize about it. These moms just don't even seem real to me. On the flip side - perhaps I am just an example of someone that just can't get it together.
What I want to believe is that there are a whole bunch of women out there that are really good at faking it. Hopefully they are really unorganized and lie about it. It would give me such pleasure to think that they are also missing little dumb things that they are supposed to bring to their child's preschool, or they too have forgotten to- oh, I don't know, pick up their kid from school or something like that. There have to be some working moms out there that are just as bad as I am. Lord I hope so. Here's to the hope that there are and that they just hide it better than I do.
I will admit my faults - to anyone that listens. It's a self depreciating behaviour that I think let's me off the hook. That way people's expectations are less. The problem with that is -that philosophy doesn't cut it at work. You can't say "well I'm really not good at that thing you are asking me to do." I have a lot to give to a job but there are so many limitations as to how much I can do. Ultimately as working moms, we halt progress in our careers by having children (that's nothing that hasn't been said before) so that is why I encourage all of my coworkers to have as many children as they can!
I love working and it can be very satisfying but ultimately I would trade my job in a heartbeat to stay at home with the kids.
Of course if I stayed home then it would be expected that I could keep up with the housework and laundry, that's a whole other blog...
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7 comments:
You are doing fine. Don't worry so much. The children are the top priority. You are doing great in that area for sure. They are the best!
Suzy! I swear that most of the moms that claim they can do "everything" are faking it. Girl, you are NOT a bad mother. Don't feel bad just because some alpah-mom is thinking that she is superior. As you said, she's probably faking it...Maybe she's even on the verge of a burn-out. Good post!!!
It is an impossible conflict - kids and jobs. I think that life will get better as they all get closer to school age. The job thing will not be as hard to manage and some of the guilt will go away. These are the hardest years right now, so don't worry about not being the perfect everything -- no one really is. We are all just getting by. Things I feel guilty about: the fact that my children have such a limited diet because of their crazy food preferences, eating out too often, letting them watch too much TV, never getting any exercise, not ever doing art projects with the kids, my grass looking like crap, my generally dirty house, and the fact that I am way behind in school and with campaign work.
Well I have to say that Melinda's comments just made me feel a lot better...Everything you mention are the same things wrong over on my end - accept you do manage to get your kids to activities like soccer and Wiggles and Giggles, that is amazing to me!
Oh, please! We all fake it. We even lie sometimes about how easy it is. I know that I may not admit that I nuked a few hot dogs for dinner last night. No, instead I talk about the great recipe I got from Giada or Emeril. I never mention how I think Rachel Ray or Sandra Lee are geniuses because they have found the short cuts that make it possible to eat a decent meal every day. The only people that have it easy employee 2 nannies, a cook and a housekeeper!
Thanks for that really honest post - you've just made me feel a whole lot better by putting into words all the feelings I couldn't articulate. I too am a work at home mum, and have just been going crazy with stress this past week, with, you know, the usual crap. Doesn't help that I have a mum-in-law who says, "what's the big deal, I had 2 kids, was going through divorce, and still had to work" when the truth of the matter was that she basically outsourced both kids entirely to maids and to this day my hubbyis not close to her.
Mrs X
You are not alone! I read your post this morning after feeling like the worst mom ever. I try so hard at work and at home yet feel like I do not do either well at all. I feel like I cannot juggle all at work and then everything that my kids (8 and 9 years old) need. I bounce back-n-forth wondering if I was selfish for taking on a career and raising children, but then I think that because of my job they live in a safe neighborhood, are on a gymnastics team, and have a college saving account, but is that worth having a crazy mother? I watch all these moms at my kids' school be able to volunteer, come have lunch with the kids, and turn in perfect projects which makes me think that it must be so much less stressful for them and so much better for the kids. If I could put my life in rewind, I would make SO many different decisions, because I just feel like I am being so unfair to my children. Just wanted to let you know after the few years that you posted this that you are not alone. I wish I could say it gets easier -- it does not, it is still crazy, just with different things. All we can do is try to hang in there...take care!
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