Kit Kats

As I finish the last Kit Kat that I have brought upstairs to bed with me, (please refer to my last post if you think that eating Kit Kats in bed is an odd behaviour). I personally have a few issues with Kit Kats that I need to work though.

I have a very particular way of eating my Kit Kats. First I separate each bar by hand, meticulously ensuring that each bar has an equal amount of chocolate. The next step is to chew all of the chocolate off from around the outside of the bar (sides only, the top and bottom would just be too hard) so that the wafers are now apparent. At this point I separate the wafers with my teeth and scrape off (again with my teeth) the sugary filler that binds the wafers together. Once all of that is complete it is then that I eat the remainder bottom wafer. This is the ONLY way that I can eat a Kit Kat and enjoy it. When I do not have the luxury of time or for some reason need to urgently shove a bar in my mouth - whole - I find it does not even give me remotely the amount of pleasure/satisfaction as it would if I were able to eat it the way I want to. Frankly I would go so far as to say that I don't even like it at all if I am eating it the "regular" way.

So you may be asking what the !@## does this have to do with ANYTHING really? I am curious to understand what this ritual eating behaviour means in my life as well. I have been eating Kit Kats this way for as long as I can remember - so it must have a strong tie to my childhood. Do eating Kit Kats this way help me feel like that kid I once was? Why is it that Kit Kats only seem to end up in my house when I am feeling insecure - not stressed - mind you. (Stress usually equals a drink or two...) And WHEN the HELL did I come up with this crazy ritual? I really cannot answer that last question however I have to say that I am COMPELLED to eat my Kit Kats this way. For me - there is no other choice in the matter - it must be done. It was a habit that I established long ago and I have never questioned it until now.

I am sure that by eating Kit Kats in my ritualistic manner I must be trying to hold onto that little girl I once was. Frankly, I really don't think that the little girl has ever left - many people think of themselves as the young beautiful teenager they once were, I think of myself as perhaps the young 3rd or 4th grader tops. Perhaps that is why I have continued to collect Barbies and why I spend more time brushing their hair and dressing them than my 5 yr old daughter does. (God forbid, I don't even think she likes them that much) And when my husband is not home I have cartoons on even after the kids are long asleep. I am usually working and the volume on the TV is down to the lowest possible setting - however it always manages to get changed from the ESPN channel he ALWAYS leaves on in our bedroom to Nicktoons or some other fun cartoon channel. I don't even watch it but I would rather it is there than some boring sports show. If you know me you would also know that cartoons would never replace the discovery channel, history channel, etc but those shows require that I actually listen and of course I have to be able to do my work and not pay attention to a show like that.

Getting back to the topic at hand, why do I need to hang on to that little girl? Well I think she was very safe, my parents never seem to do anything wrong in life and of course that meant for her that by being in their home she was safe and secure. When you have three dependants counting on you it makes you long for the time when the responsibility was not on you but was on the people you trusted most.

That little girl also had a very vivid imagination - always making up elaborate pretend stories in her head, some of the stories she hoped may come true someday (and others she knew would never happen like being Queen of earth, etc.) Back then everything was spread out before you - you had your whole life to live and many choices to make. Pondering whether you made the right choices can lead one down the path of insanity through self doubt. Hind sight is 20/20 and I hope that I can direct my children to make the right choices. Anyone can be a rocket scientist, paleontologist, archaeologist, veterinarian, marine biologist, historian, or a princess if they set their mind to it.

Well perhaps that is why I needed to work out the Kit Kat ritual in my mind. Now I know that I need to instill that very important mindset into my children so that they won't look back and wonder what it would have been like to be a zoologist...